She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
