Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
