Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
