u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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