Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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