Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
