Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
