I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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