I just threw up on my dentist
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
as a side note pls kill me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
