I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
