textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
