I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize