help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
