where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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