final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
