I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
