I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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