Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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