I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
