he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
