I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
