Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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