so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The Olympian is in my bed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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