I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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