take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
