I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
