i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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