Whod you bang
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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