cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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