when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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