Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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