you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
