thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
