he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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