ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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