this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
