I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
