he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
