My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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