I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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