I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This baby is an asshole
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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