we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
