i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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