I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
