ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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