theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
