dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize