the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
