I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
