Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
