I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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