had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
