Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
