Im at strip club and am horny
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
