Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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