One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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