I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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