Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
