Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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