you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
