my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
