this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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