omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
