dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
